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An ex of mine used to sleep like a corpse. He’d be snoring and sawing wood in his sleep to the point where it would always wake me up hours before my alarm. One day I decided to give him a blowjob for a wake up call and things went terribly awry.

I climbed under the covers and slowly started dragging my tongue along the edge of his balls. The snoring stopped, but then started right back up again. I started licking my way up his shaft and started rhythmically giving him head.

That woke him up all right, but not in the positive, “Thank you for sucking my dick, Harlot! You’re a really swell fuck buddy,” type of way that I had imagined. For some reason, he thought that I was a burglar who had snuck not only into his house, but underneath the blankets to steal the family jewels.

He obviously wasn’t thinking logically but he ended up tossing me half way across the room onto his laundry. Once he realized what he had done, he came over to help me out with his hard on and asked me to finish the job.

“No dice muchacho…he lost his chance. I broke it off with him a few days later.”

Another guy I used to bang loved morning head. He said that it was the most relaxing way to be lulled from dreams into the waking world.

I liked him. He was a way better fuck anyway.

I started thinking about sexy ways to wake up and I was wondering if there were any sexy types of alarm clocks. Googling brought up a few interesting images, but I think my favorite had to be this thing called Wake-Up Vibe.

It’s a slim vibrator that you tuck into your panties before bed. There’s an alarm clock built in that starts waking you up with gentle vibrations (or super strong vibrations depending on what setting you’re into) at the designated time.

This seems like an amazing idea to me. I could totally see myself get used to waking up like that. Every morning would definitely start off with a 🙂